Fact 11: I almost killed my childhood best friend.
This ties into the entry from yesterday, to an extent. The reason I was medicated for my ADHD as a child wasn’t because the hyperactivity was too much to deal with, but that the impulsivity caused me to have a very short fuse, and I would lash out when frustrated, angered, etc. I’d have screaming fits, wrestling matches with my mother, throwing things (remotes, cups, etc), etc; all kinds of improper behaviors when angered. They’d been through several doctors trying to find a way to manage me before medicating me, trying to get a grip on my temper. One doctor even advised them to dump a soda over my head at the dinner table, when I had an outburst there!
One of the most potentially dangerous outbursts I had involved a disagreement with my best friend. I was roughly 9 at the time, I think. (I could be wrong.) She and I were playing with matchbox cars with my little brother in his room. We’d been in there a while when my mind wandered, and I noticed a wind chime my brother had in his room was broken, and I decided I had to fix it right then. I ran off and got a pair of pliers, then came back to start repairs. The light was off in the room because it was supposed to be nighttime in the game of cars, but I wanted it on so I could see what I was doing. That light sparked a big argument between Becky and I, and it came to blows. She was by far the stronger of the two of us, and had forced me down to the floor. I was talking back and tried to get up, so she kicked me in the nose, causing it to bleed. I managed to get up, grabbed the pair of pliers I had been using, and hit her over the shoulder as hard as I could. I wanted to hurt her as bad as I could, as bad as (if not worse than) she’d hurt me. That ended the fight, and she ran home. After she was complaining of hurting for a day, her parents took her to the doctor about her shoulder. The doctor informed her that I’d fractured her collarbone. He also told her that from the way I’d hit her, and how hard, if the pliers had been turned a fraction of an inch I could have killed her. I don’t know if that’s possible or he was just pulling her leg to scare the both of us.
I’m a lot better with my anger issues now. At least, I’m less likely to take them out on someone else. I’m more likely to internalize them and take them out on myself. It’s no healthier of a way to deal with them, but at least someone else doesn’t get hurt in the fall out?