I’ll let it pass and hold my tongue

I almost included this in my last post. I had the majority of it written, then paranoia and self-doubt came over me and I ended up cutting it out. I saved it, though, in case I changed my mind. Well, I am changing my mind now. More like forcing myself to change my mind, but either way, the end result is the same.

As I stated before, I wasn’t very happy with the first rheumatologist I saw. She was confusing me and my mom, and that lead to me not having much confidence in her diagnosis. I had been debating getting a second opinion, but hadn’t quite made up my mind yet.

The final straw came when the doctor accused me of having gained 50 lbs in the 4 months since I’d first became her patient. Sure, I am overweight, I’m not going to deny that. And I may have put on a pound or two at that point, it’s a constant struggle to keep my weight consistent, much less lose weight. But there was absolutely no way I’d gained 50 lbs. Come to find out, the nurse recorded my weight wrong at the first visit. They use one of the old-style scales where you have to move a secondary weight to bump it up every 50 lbs. She didn’t recall that she had moved that weight, and listed me as 50 lbs lighter than I really was. They’d recorded my weight every visit, and this was the first time that the nurse actually listed it correct, making the doctor think I’d suddenly gained weight.

Once the doctor read that initial weight to me, I almost laughed. I (sadly) haven’t been that low of a weight in roughly 10 years. I’ve dealt with yo-yoing weight, but never have my dips of weight gone anywhere near that low. I pointed out to her that it was a clerical error on their end, and that no, I most definitely had not gained 50 lbs. She still grilled me, asking if I was still wearing the same clothes, were they still loose, and how on earth could that be, when I’d gained 50 lbs?! I repeat again, I did NOT gain that much weight. I have enough doctor visits where I’m weighed regularly that I knew without a doubt the low weight she had recorded for me was an error.

She ended up lecturing and berating me for 30 minutes over this weight gain, even when it was pointed out multiple times that I had NOT gained that much weight. Now, if I had gained the weight? Then sure. I’d have deserved that lecture, and a lot more. But I know I also would’ve gotten that same lecture at my general practitioner’s office, who I’d just visited a couple of weeks before. Yet, gee, that didn’t happen, because the weight at my GP showed I was down a pound or two when I’d been in there.

I also know that I’m going to end up getting a few comments on my weight by whichever doctor I’m seeing. But comments and concern is quite different from a 30 minute lecture over an imaginary weight gain. After I left her office, I immediately began looking for a new doctor. A couple of weeks later, I called the old rheum and got a copy of my records, while I was still looking for a new doc. I put quite a bit of research into it that time, searching out doctor ratings as well as just if they were on my insurance or not.

Like I said in my last post, I’m insanely happy with the new doctor I found. It truly does thrill me to see how incredibly thorough she’s being, and that I’ve finally found a doctor who sees more than just the fat, who understand there’s still a real person here. Someone who is in quite a bit of pain, and needs help. Someone who knows that it isn’t “just” the weight causing the pain, someone who is trying to discover the cause of the problems, and not just treat the symptoms. And who knows, if we can find a cause for this pain, figure out a way to fight it and lessen it – that just might give me the extra strength and energy to focus on losing weight. It’s hard to focus when the pain obscures everything.

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